Creative Thinking: She was my angel...

I was bored once again so I wrote a quick short story...
Its whatever, a little creepy tho I was trying something new lol ...


She was my angel...

Today is Valentine’s Day, my mi amour and I have a special day planned. This morning I woke up at 10 am sharp in anticipation for my love; I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and ironed out my clothes. Once I was done changing I headed down to her favourite breakfast joint and waited anxiously for her arrival...

Oh man I’m so excited for today, I have been anticipating this for a while now. Everything is perfect; I’m dressed in her favourite colours equipped with a box of her favourite chocolates and a fresh bouquet of her favourite flowers. Everything is going to be perfect all I got to do now is just wait a little bit and she should be walking through the door anytime now.

Where the hell is she? I have been waiting at this restaurant for almost two hours now. Maybe she couldn’t sleep last night after I left her house so she decided to sleep in, or maybe she got called into work unexpectedly, or maybe she’s stuck on a long distance phone call, yea that’s it she got held up on an important phone call that’s all. Shut up stop talking shit, you’re just jealous, watch she’ll come.

Fuck man this is bullshit! I have been sitting in this fucking seat for three straight hours, the waitresses are staring at me weird, like I’m some creep who has no life, like some loser that got stood up on Valentines’ Day. Oh man I just had a horrible thought, what if she’s out with another guy or shit maybe she decided to avoid me on purpose since I did tell her to meet me here today in the letter. I told you that letter was a bad idea; this is your entire fault.

She’s a fucking no show. My plans are ruined, my plans in which we took so long to come up with. That bitch, that fucking whore, I bet she’s out eating breakfast with some other guy. With some other guy who’s tall, dark, and handsome. That bitch how dare she give me all the obvious signs that she wants me than just leave me here alone on Valentine’s Day. What a bitch she stood me up, you happy now? She stood me up. Man I know she read my letter, fuck we watched her open it and read it from the really clean window to the one outside her room, so there’s no mistaking that. There must be something wrong because I know she loves me just as much as I love her, for crying out loud she held the public bus for me just four days ago and said hello with that smile she does. That smile she puts on, it’s just for me I never seen her smile at anyone else like that before, yup just me. So I know she loves me and you can’t deny that, you know I’m right. I know she cares for me, she has too. I have been following her for months now and I will never forget the first time I saw her; it was like God had sent an angel down specifically for me. But then why would she stand me up. I told her in the letter I would be here today, what could have possibly gone wrong. She better not be with another guy for real because I understand her better than any other guy ever will. I know the real colour of her eyes, I know who her favourite author is, what’s her favourite television show, how much moles she has on her back, and even that her left breast is one size larger than her right. I am her soul mate and she is my angel. Something must have just gone wrong that’s all.

Huh? You think we should drive around town and search all her regular spots? You know what that doesn’t sound like a bad idea, comforting to know I’m not in this alone. Yea I agree we should start the search at her house.

You think shes home? Hey fuck you I’m not a loser, you know I hate having to creep around her house but I have to stay close to my love because I know she feels my presence when I’m near. Shut up you have no idea what I’m going through you have never loved before your heart is filled with hate and so much anger, you’re just jealous as usual. But fuck I have checked through every window now and there’s still no sign of her. What should I do?

Oh brilliant instead of wasting gas by driving around town looking for her, waiting here for her until she arrives home will be way easier. Plus you have no plans anyways you just follow me where ever I go, you’re the real loser.

Yea I know the stars are bright out tonight eh? Oh hush look a car is pulling up to the drive way and look there she is but who the fuck is that guy she’s with and why is she letting him inside her house. Maybe it’s just her brother; it does look like the guy that’s in all her family photos.

You know what I’m breaking in, no I’m not crazy or stupid but I need to get closer, I’m just going to hide in the closet in her bedroom, we both know she never goes in there before she falls asleep. Shut up you have no choice but to follow me inside and stop whining you bitch I’m not going to get us caught relax.

Ok this spot is good she won’t find me here and I’ll be able to leave as soon as she falls asleep, Ok? Oh my God being in her room is better than I expected, the sweet aroma from her dirty laundry has given me the hardest erection I have ever experienced I just want to tear her clothes off her body and let her feel how much I love her. I can’t wait for her to come into the room and I can watch her sleep from just a few feet away, no more looking out the window.

Oh look, look she’s entering the room, be fucking quiet don’t make a sound. Wait, what the fuck? Why is her brother sleeping in the same bed with her, this is fucking messed up there’s something wrong here. Fuck there having sex, this is not what is suppose to happen. I should to be the one fucking her tonight not this loser. That fucking whore, I should have listened to you, you were right this whole time. That bitch she ditched me for this loser. How dare she just play with my emotions like this, this bitch needs to learn a lesson, she needs to be punished... Punished the only way you know how too.

Yea, I’m going to need your help with this one but just make it quick last time they almost found out it was us...

Continue reading...

My Future: Inspiration...

(play the track while reading the post)

“Sometimes it feels like I'll never go pass here
Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck forever and ever

But, I'm going higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm goin' higher and higher”

Life...

When I take the time to lay back and think my mind often wanders. Now that I am 20 leaning towards 21 and maturing into an adult, an occurring topic of late has been the question of my future.

What is it that I truly want for my future?

Where do I want to be in 5 years?

Should I continue to play it safe by going down the standard path; completing University and then hope to attain an entry level position within the field I studied?

Will I be content with working a 9 to 5 making a salary which is only satisfactory, knowing opportunity for progression isn’t great?

Am I going to be comfortable working in a position which I will lack passion for, solely used as a source of revenue?

Or do I want more for myself?

On Wednesday, May, 13th 2009 I was struck with inspiration and answered a few of those questions...


It was Drake’s “So Far Gone” mixtape tour concert and there I was standing in the center of a packed crowd accompanied by a few of my closest friends with a blunt in hand eagerly awaiting Drake’s arrival to the stage. Just before boredom set in the stage lights brightened, and boom, the beat for his track “Congratulations” dropped. As Drake walked out on stage with a grin from ear to ear, began performing his opening track turning the crowd into a mania, we lit up the blunt and set the mood for the night. While the concert preceded the blend of being “high” from recently smoking and watching one of my favourite artist perform my favourite songs completely focused me. Actually it drifted me away; away from his turbulent fans, away from my friends, away into my own realm. I stood there with full respect watching this young man that choose not to follow the standard path, who refused to play it safe; watching this young man that aimed for more instead of the ordinary, who followed his passion instead of just satisfaction. The thought alone changed me; lit a wick that was buried deep inside of me. The whole event inspired me; I witnessed and recognized a real success story which was composed in my own home city. It hit me.

That night when I got home I hopped in my bed slapped on “Closer” by Goapele, the therapeutic melody and her temperate vocals let me clear my thoughts as my mind swiftly wander off... I asked myself again:

What is it that I truly want for my future?

This time when I thought about it there was a fire dwelling in my hollows. There was a self-belief burning inside me, telling me to follow my passion to reach for my dreams. It was right there and then I decided that I wanted more for myself than just a job than a just a career. Seeing one of my cities own master his passion and then reach to his dreams has honestly inspired me.
What I now want for myself is to follow not a set path but to create my own path, to create my own destiny, to create my own role in this complex world. I will follow my passion and my dreams, my passion for success, my dream to write, and my will to always enjoy life. Yes I’ll complete University and receive a good education but not so I can attain that ordinary job but to equip myself with the tools I will need to design my own unique future. I strongly believe in my abilities and talents; that with dedication, passion, and plenty of practice I will develop my own unique skill that will lead me towards my path to success.

“Sometimes it feels like I'll never go pass here
Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck forever and ever

But, I'm going higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm goin' higher and higher”

Bonus video:

Drake feat Adreena Mills - Closer to my Dreams

Continue reading...

Creative Thinking: Not Alone...

I woke up in the morning and everyone in my house was gone; my father, my mother, and my sisters gone. They were all gone without a trace, gone without a message, and most importantly gone without me. I flicked on the TV and turned it to the News; they reported billions of adults and almost all children mysteriously missing, vanished in thin air. Then it hit me, today’s the day the world’s been waiting for, it’s the day many believed that would never occur, the day many others have prepared for their whole life, today was Judgement day and I was left here. I was left on this wretched earth; left with no family and no friends, left with no way out except for death. As tears flowed down my face I questioned why I was left here to suffer, why I wasn’t chosen along with the rest of my family and friends, what was the criteria for God choosing some and not choosing me. I was so confused.


What do I do now? Do I continue to live my life? Or should I just finish this suffering with one step off the top of a tall building?


I opened the front door of my house and stepped outside. It was mid day and there were no kids in sight, usually these streets would be full of children playing street hockey, or rollerblading, or bike riding to the closest convenience store, but there wasn’t a kid in sight. Just me and a few other confused individuals wandering the soundless streets searching for answers. I began to look at everyone differently knowing that all the good souls were taken away and only these creeps were left here. I walked back to my empty house to grab my car keys. Hopped in my car and decided to drive around the city to search for a friend that might have been left here to suffer along with me. I travelled from house to house until I finally gave up my search because each house I arrived at was completely empty...


Why was I left here?


I pondered that question until the stars filled the sky; I looked to the past. Was it because of those times when I made my mom cry instead of smile, or was it because I got into all those fights, or was it due to all those times I robbed and stole when I was younger, or maybe because I lied more than the average person, or is it even because I had sex before I got married. As I sat there in my car crying until my eyes were sore from my tears and reminiscing about my downfalls and my worst moments an urge came over came me; I yelled out and pleaded, “PLEASE GOD FOGIVE ME, I AM SORRY DON’T LEAVE ME HERE TO SUFFER ALL ALONE.” After begging and getting no response I thought there was only one thing left to do.


I placed my hands on my car keys and turned the engine on; drove to the nearest high rise. I put my car in park then walked into the lobby of the building, walked into the elevator and pressed the button that took me to the roof.


Now on the roof of the building I said one last prayer that God would save my fallen soul. I stepped towards the edge of the roof, closed my eyes tight and took my last step into the thin air.

I could see the dark grey concrete quickly getting closer and closer as my lonely body quickly descended towards it and right before I hit the ground...



I awoke covered in sweat from a terrible dream and was granted a second chance.


Continue reading...

E.J.C.H

As a parent raising a child definitely has it share of rough and frustrating moments; for example having to stay up late because your baby isn`t ready to sleep, or having to change a diaper packed with a smell so pungent that all you can do is focus on not trying to throw up your morning breakfast, or even trying to teach your child something basic that they just don`t seem to understand but there are shining moments in parenthood which make all the rough times completely worth it.

Yesterday my son`s mother and I experienced a defining moment in our parenthood that I would like to share with all of you.

My son is currently 3 at the moment but will be turning 4 at the end of August, which means that he will be beginning his run at school this coming September. Yesterday was our chance to meet some of our son`s future educators at my son`s future school. It was a parent teacher meeting for all the upcoming children that will be starting school this coming term. At 6 30 pm all the parents and their children met up in one of the classrooms located in the school, we then met one of the teachers and the vice principal. They explained a few typical subjects then told us to go take our children to four different learning centres (magnetic numbers and letters centre, writing centre, reading centre, play dough centre)which they setup in four different classrooms throughout the school. Each centre was assigned with a teacher that explained activities that we parents should do with our children to help prepare them for the coming September.

In each centre my son along with all the other children had to do a few activities which basically was a test of each child’s knowledge and skill in subjects like numbers, writing, basic patterning, and hand control. As we stood and watched our son and all the other children do each activity a feeling of true happiness and pride surged through my body as I realized that my son was equipped with a large knowledge and skill in almost every subject. except when it came to using the scissors, he did struggle a bit but I was still proud to see him really focus hard on trying to learn how to cut the shape out correctly.

As a parent and individual it’s these moments in life which give me confirmation that I am heading down the right path. Of course I personally steer onto the wrong path a every so often but its moments like this that help refocus and center me in the right direction.

There have honestly been very few moments in my life that have made me feel as proud as I did yesterday and much of that is due to having a patient, focused, and responsible person to share in raising my son. I thank God everyday that I was blessed to share my parenthood with someone as wonderful as my son`s mother...

You are honestly the definition of a great parent and a real inspiration for all young mothers.

Ps. Please wish us luck, we have a long journey a head of us as we start a new chapter in parenting this coming September...

I just had to add this song/video to the post:

Lauryn Hill feat Carlos Santana - Zion

Continue reading...

Deep Thought: Living and Learning

Growing up in Scarborough a young male of Caribbean descent was not an easy task to say the least. I was blessed enough to live in a regular sized house, with both of my parents, and with a decent financial support system. What made growing up so difficult was my own bad decision making. Going through elementary school I was never truly interested in anything else other than sports. Due to an honest belief to make it to the NBA and a firm passion of the sport I had all the drive one needed to excel and develop within the sport. It was high school that changed everything; I went to a Scarborough Catholic high school that was populated by 60 percent blacks, 30 percent Asians and 10 percent whites. In my first year I was less focused on sports and more on the female physic. I quickly realized that if I wanted to be noticed by the all the females I would have to align myself with the right people (the popular kids), which in turn meant I had to gain their respect. I worked hard at it; I listened to the latest hip hop, acquired all the dopest clothes, and never followed the rules. I did everything and anything it took to be respected by my peers. It ultimately worked; in my second year I was an established male in my school. I was a part of a popular clique, played a leading rule on my school basketball team and dated the females that were on top of every males “I’d hit it list”. This process to the top came with plenty of trouble. I found myself smoking weed at an early age, getting into many violent disputes which usually left me in dangerous situations, robbing and stealing the clothes that my parents couldn’t afford to buy me, and my marks were atrocious I became satisfied with just passing each class instead of actually excelling in it but I was socially “cool” which was all that actually mattered to me at the time...

After attaining my number 1 goal which was to be popular I created new goals; lose my virginity and make money by all means. Once basketball season was complete (finished junior boys champs, with an undefeated season) I focused on searching for my 1st sexual relationship. My search didn’t take long I started a relationship with a girl one year younger than myself and shortly after a couple months and a few failed attempts I was “gettin’ it in”, literally. I dated this girl through the end of my second year and into my third, during this time I said farewell to basketball and hello to money. I started to sell weed and sold stolen clothes or bicycles, this obviously got me in more trouble since things don’t always go as planned. At the end of December 2004 I was slapped with some life changing news as I learned that my girlfriend of 7 months was pregnant with my first son. It hit me harder than I could imagine, having no true potential in anything at the time since my marks were horrible and my life was in shambles.

It wasn’t till my son’s actual birth (August 28^th 2005) I slowly began to realize that I had to change my ways. Returning for my last year of high school as a brand new father wasn’t the greatest situation in the world but it was exactly what I needed. It forced me to mature. I had to learn how to take care of someone else other than myself which wasn’t one of my strengths. I remember going to my guidance counselor in the first month of school, he asked me what I wanted to do after high school? I responded “go to university I guess” he laughed in my face and replied with a smirk, “Harbans, let’s be realistic”. I knew it wasn’t the most rational answer due to my educational history but when he laughed at me in my face I felt disrespected. It got me so enraged that knocking him out cold and then watching him snore like a child was my initial response. Then I thought for a second maybe working hard and proving him wrong would be much more satisfying in the long. So that’s exactly what I did, I created a new goal...University. I grinded out getting used to doing homework and studying hard, while learning how to change diapers and making baby formula. Just like my other goals I attained this one as well and by the end of the year I was accepted to all the Universities I applied for.

I currently have a new goal in life and that's to achieve true success and whenever I feel like I can't do it I just think back to the past. In true honesty I have lived a life that would be considered sweet compared to many other people, it was my own bad decisions that were my downfalls but I learned from those downfalls and let them fuel me to better myself. I have a lot of hard work ahead if I want to be a better person and a better father but at the end of the day learning and growing from my mistakes is where I believe true success lies.

Photo snapped and edited by Made in the City's very own:
Cristhian Ramirez

Continue reading...

Creative Thinking: Time to get it

I got a severe cough, a terribly sore throat, and an incredibly uncomfortable high fever, in others words THE FLU. As I lay here HIGH off the combination of Buckley’s and Cannabis Sativa, each passing minute feels more like an eternity. I begin to realize this must be what the urban musical genius Weezy F must have felt like when he recorded the infamous track “I feel like dying.” With my thoughts all jumbled while listening to The Dream’s uniquely distinctive sounds my mind slowly begins to drift:

I’m getting higher and higher, farther and farther away. I’m now in and out reality, half awake, half asleep. My eyes begin to close almost like I’m losing complete control. When my eyes eventually shut I witness a flash to the past, a distinct collection of all my failed POTENTIAL. My eyelids quickly rise but I have no time to catch myself, the BUZZ off the meds and hydro drift me back, force my eyelids to seal for the second time. I see a flash of my present, my current destination in life’s erratic ride. I unbolt my eyes for the last time, inhale deeply before the dark force grasps me once again. My eyes squeeze tight. This time I see a flash to nothing, nothing but a modern rich mahogany wooden desk. When I look closer at the desk I see a shiny golden plate with my name luxuriously engraved in the centre and beside that lays a distinct pair of lavish keys designed only for a MAYBACH.

I wake up with a smile and know what time it is...

Continue reading...