Deep Thought: Living and Learning

Growing up in Scarborough a young male of Caribbean descent was not an easy task to say the least. I was blessed enough to live in a regular sized house, with both of my parents, and with a decent financial support system. What made growing up so difficult was my own bad decision making. Going through elementary school I was never truly interested in anything else other than sports. Due to an honest belief to make it to the NBA and a firm passion of the sport I had all the drive one needed to excel and develop within the sport. It was high school that changed everything; I went to a Scarborough Catholic high school that was populated by 60 percent blacks, 30 percent Asians and 10 percent whites. In my first year I was less focused on sports and more on the female physic. I quickly realized that if I wanted to be noticed by the all the females I would have to align myself with the right people (the popular kids), which in turn meant I had to gain their respect. I worked hard at it; I listened to the latest hip hop, acquired all the dopest clothes, and never followed the rules. I did everything and anything it took to be respected by my peers. It ultimately worked; in my second year I was an established male in my school. I was a part of a popular clique, played a leading rule on my school basketball team and dated the females that were on top of every males “I’d hit it list”. This process to the top came with plenty of trouble. I found myself smoking weed at an early age, getting into many violent disputes which usually left me in dangerous situations, robbing and stealing the clothes that my parents couldn’t afford to buy me, and my marks were atrocious I became satisfied with just passing each class instead of actually excelling in it but I was socially “cool” which was all that actually mattered to me at the time...

After attaining my number 1 goal which was to be popular I created new goals; lose my virginity and make money by all means. Once basketball season was complete (finished junior boys champs, with an undefeated season) I focused on searching for my 1st sexual relationship. My search didn’t take long I started a relationship with a girl one year younger than myself and shortly after a couple months and a few failed attempts I was “gettin’ it in”, literally. I dated this girl through the end of my second year and into my third, during this time I said farewell to basketball and hello to money. I started to sell weed and sold stolen clothes or bicycles, this obviously got me in more trouble since things don’t always go as planned. At the end of December 2004 I was slapped with some life changing news as I learned that my girlfriend of 7 months was pregnant with my first son. It hit me harder than I could imagine, having no true potential in anything at the time since my marks were horrible and my life was in shambles.

It wasn’t till my son’s actual birth (August 28^th 2005) I slowly began to realize that I had to change my ways. Returning for my last year of high school as a brand new father wasn’t the greatest situation in the world but it was exactly what I needed. It forced me to mature. I had to learn how to take care of someone else other than myself which wasn’t one of my strengths. I remember going to my guidance counselor in the first month of school, he asked me what I wanted to do after high school? I responded “go to university I guess” he laughed in my face and replied with a smirk, “Harbans, let’s be realistic”. I knew it wasn’t the most rational answer due to my educational history but when he laughed at me in my face I felt disrespected. It got me so enraged that knocking him out cold and then watching him snore like a child was my initial response. Then I thought for a second maybe working hard and proving him wrong would be much more satisfying in the long. So that’s exactly what I did, I created a new goal...University. I grinded out getting used to doing homework and studying hard, while learning how to change diapers and making baby formula. Just like my other goals I attained this one as well and by the end of the year I was accepted to all the Universities I applied for.

I currently have a new goal in life and that's to achieve true success and whenever I feel like I can't do it I just think back to the past. In true honesty I have lived a life that would be considered sweet compared to many other people, it was my own bad decisions that were my downfalls but I learned from those downfalls and let them fuel me to better myself. I have a lot of hard work ahead if I want to be a better person and a better father but at the end of the day learning and growing from my mistakes is where I believe true success lies.

Photo snapped and edited by Made in the City's very own:
Cristhian Ramirez